角落日常

(2020) 一個穿著OL白襯衫黑窄裙的東洋女性進入並泡在水綠色的油鍋裡，這裡是一個熟悉的東方華人餐廳空間，旁人用餐著若無其事，並且還有人鄰近她坐在另一張桌椅位置。 她發出驚悚的慘叫，但是身體並沒有被燒焦。我震驚害怕著。 然後視線往後移，我看到電視的外框。 (大二) 一個人型的皮肉生物，這個像是屍體的人類，突然間在極靠近我眼前的視線，內部組織血肉急速增生，體積滿脹，就要撐爆外皮，而它可能還有意識，讓我無法想像這樣的感受，以及為何發生這樣的狀態。它抖動地血肉模糊著，全身、臉部、頭顱撐張著人皮快速內爆，一層一層的肉團與慘白的皮膚。 (大一 ) 光線灰暗的房間，許多家具。門旁有面鏡子。 我跟一些人在裡頭走動，談著什麼。我想走出房門。 猛然看自己的雙手，小手臂的一半位置，出現了一道痕，黑紅色的血縫。 我感受不到所見畫面身體相應的痛覺，突然間我意識到雙手變成了人偶可拆解組合的手，卻如橡皮手套的感覺，顯然，手臂裡頭的依然是骨... 我來不及發出驚恐的疑問。 (高中/大學) 陰暗清冷的廠，檯面上方懸吊著密集的大型掛勾，微弱的光線從裝著細直鐵條的窗透進。 吊著什麼。我突然在外頭透過鐵條看到裡頭，弟弟膨脹的頭顱晃在鉤子上，連著像剩下外皮的下身，臉上開著大嘴，生死未知，我用力尖叫著。 手上一個包裝的物品，裡頭白色半透明的條狀物。是否蠕動著，當我注意到時。包裝上寫著「人文」兩漢字。 Sumikko 2021/02/17 14:27 Neediness Vibration VIOLENCE

  往前走，記憶形成。回頭看，檢視它。       Go forth. Memories form. Look back and check them. 意識由此產生。分離。    Consciousness shows. Then it parts away. 蛻。    Exuviation. 太陽，星球旋轉繞行。   Planet orbits around the Sol 似乎無限重複地。   close to eternal repetitions. 我們一次又一次，累積著習慣。   We build up patterns and natures 附著了情感。   again and again, gluing with fixation. 如果，星球不曾移動，不旋不繞，空氣靜止，而時間存在，太陽的光線永恆照射，上頭是否會有附著物? If the Earth does not move, nor whirl, and the air is still, but Time exists.  The Sun beams its lights as always. Does the Earth develop attachments on the surface? 生命。來自土壤的。美好。    Life, the alacrity from the soil. 一次又一次。重複著，旋轉而揚起的塵。    Again and again the dust being roused up by the turn. 發散著，消退著。有如海浪，記憶的沫。    Spreading, and withdrawing. Like the ocean waves, the foam of memory. 我們的視覺，與意識的感知錯置著，因此，構築著心裡的畫面。    Our sights, they are arbitrary to the consciousness and senses.    ...

香腸攤，緩慢走來表情已死的父母，突如其來對我放聲哭嚎的小女孩。她的臉像剛遭到颶風侵襲的廢墟，凶暴地不滿著，發出可怕的低吼...嘖... 我被此幕煩擾著，她還沒能停止。我對站在面前一副對此事不關己又不耐煩地，看著牆上少得可憐的menu的母親，極度不悅地說，「很吵...!!!」 母親轉頭，被震耳欲聾的哭喊淹沒般，對她身旁精神脫離肉體的丈夫說：「誒，她說很吵啦。」 11:20 Sumikko

My walk sounds different. since a few days ago. or within a week, I  can't recall. it was, sounded like them, the parents. now, it's totally new.  when he lived with me in that badly designed apartment, I heard his walks in that place where I grew up. it soothed me thoroughly and soothes me still now. it cleans away almost all the dirt clustered and stuck in my mind. like covering up with airs from a brand new place. lighted.  calmly. with vigor. oh... I think I wanted him really bad, yet there's something else... this me... I must choose. I'm... crawling damn hard to her. cause... there was too much distractions this world gave me and ripped me into pieces. being 'born' into the related ones this body couldn't choose. in 'time', the tunnel we call. crawling, tumbling. to find her back. the sound, of my walks, has changed recently. and I think I find her. I'm here. feels like a hell long messy dream. the 'before'. that I stared for too lo...

another girl next to me, chatting. I ask her, what's it about the first time you have affections with another life owner? 我們微笑，她回想，表情說了些什麼。 there are other couples walking, entering our sight behind a centered wall where the bar-like table we are at extends to. 當我離開數字化的資源計量方式所仰賴的生活時，我總是感覺神智好轉。 我發覺，自己在承受那個系統之時，失去了恰當的自我判斷與選擇內涵。 我的視覺變得混沌不清。 我目睹自身漸漸成為空殼。 我好像...成為另一個「東西」，而它將這個有生命的我，一點一點推移、削鏟。 Neediness We might born with whole sex, and choose to show only one function of it. in this world. without a choice. people, mistaking their life purposes for looking at the triviality of their own lives. searching for the other sex to be whole. not knowing that they just already are. comfort themselves with any kinds and ways of material symbols, self-soothing about it, telling themselves stories like mythology. pertaining 'surviving'. you may call. self-tossing purposes like dogs throwing frisbees for themselves to catch. you don't know what to do with the body you get. you killed it ...

七海，你說，沒有後悔。 You say, you have no regrets, Kento. 我可以了解。來自你沒有奢望。 It's because you don't have wishful thinking. That's how I know. 每一天太陽落下。 Sun goes down each day. 升起。 And Rise up again. 沒有人能夠忽視。 No one would ignore that. 海邊...的房子。我也，曾經這樣想過。 Home at the beach. I had the same idea once. 在陸地、海洋與天空的交界處，看著世界。 To gaze upon this world at the junction of the land, the ocean and the sky.  投入其他的故事與思緒裡。 Into stories and ruminations you may dive. 從星球的地面上，釋放靈魂。 Release your soul from the surface of this planet. 我們在哪裡呢。 Where are we, if you may... 在自己的話語裡呢。 We are in our own words. 我們無聲的連動。 The silence of our interconnection. Sumikko 2021/02/14 21:43 Hualien, Taiwan. To Satoru Satoru's untouchable-ness 無法觸碰的五条悟 沉默是金 Imperturbability 來自我所創造的 Here

This person looks totally different when she just opens her eyes to this place. I mean, wakes up.  (Is there an indication word for 'person' that's not she or he, her or his, him?) When I look at the mirror. Why do you take the sunlight? I need vitamin D. It's hard to get from food. If you don't need it, you might not do it? I don't know. She is definitely not that 'me' when I look at that mirror. I show up when I start to brush my hair. She looks really 'splashed', the feeling, not put together, separated attention, tries to hold herself into a fixed place in a sudden, but consciously. It feels like she went someplace else again. Yes I recalled now... 我匆促踩上一台只有車頭的蒸氣火車造型的機械，它順著所在的軌道快速前行。 啊，是由我來駕駛的嗎。總之往前開著。 在遠方的某處站點要停下了，它衝撞到前方的什麼，玻璃撞碎了一些，我下車，並不在意。 為什麼在四個地表板塊交界上生活，東西還是這樣擺放呢，知道它們有毀壞的高度可能。很疑惑。 空に住みましょうか？ You just hold it there for such a long time. Missing it, recalling it. Repeating the essence of the beauty. Affections toward yourself. Like the bod...

  let's put sex in a natural state, since it's with our body, like any other creatures in this world. accept this fact, as well as the spirituality in our mind. just like music, colors, fragrances, and touches. sex is for any single life that owns its body.  not for other ones else. you own your own sex fully. never with any other ones. with this, and with another person like this, you might go into the flow with each other. in a harmonic way. accept the body. hear its need. let's rearrange work. put horticulture in half the time, or any other things that reach the sun. consider the positivity of human energy as the reward, accept any questions. leave number systems, stop the self-trapping. recognize the body's nature. stop the self-demonstration, we don't have any audience here. you are forcing yourself to be your own viewer, that's why you are wasting your own "time". stop promoting food human body don't digest. stop wasting your own energy. stop...

我在內傾的，火山般紅色的坑，斜坡上，腳踩著遍地的白色骨骸，往上爬，外頭就在邊界上。 藍天與海。水面上上身裸體的女人，側坐，如美人魚那樣。 男人從水面下往上看著，水波與光影晃動，拿著牽著繩索的，魚叉般的長尖物，往上瞄準著。投射。 微暗的室內，門外照進光線。男人變成了魚，女人將他刺穿，男人魚掙扎著死亡。 著橘色衣物的人，我知道那是他。但不見人形，黑暗的煙絮。他身邊有別的同伴。我感受到他有些激進而負面的態度，沒有話語。我拒絕了他。 正在組成什麼。腦子裡。 情感，被轉載傳遞著。 它們穿過我的感官，被靈魂接收。 身體...是... 承受物。接受著各種程度的力。 靈魂是感知器。 它被迫，感知，因此它亦... 承受著... from what?... 我們黏著於星球上。 受著拉力。 稱之生存。 體積甚小的蟲蟻，它們的世界不與我們相同。 如果有一天，我帶著人類的記憶，以窗外停留的某隻蝶醒於此世，我以往所擁有的記憶，有可能因此無用而銷毀。 如果，我的記憶全數遺失，照常醒來於世，沒有語言，不知行走，我可能會因為毫無行動能力而死亡。 如果人的記憶，能夠如同資料存取，那麼抽取出來的記憶，是否等於一個人本身？ 人的記憶，可能在時間的概念裡，被立體化。 記憶的成分，是什麼？應該還是情感吧... (早晨醒來想到的所有內容，轉為文字，進入這另一個質地的載體，摩擦力很大。) 意識到這裡時，我總是感覺需要適應牙骨的形狀和弧度，好像它不屬於我。 因為大量的思考跑動，我必須保持高度的記憶力，但儘管如此，它們也時常消失在「眼前」，可能只是在看不見的地方。 當我注視這世界的時候，目光被佔用。 但，我好像就是，為了把這些東西移過來，才醒來的。 紀錄、記載，是件微小而重要，並且辛勞的事。我感覺。 這樣的狀態，在這裡的我感覺看上去就像發呆著，但不是。 I think I need to advance my body strength to optimize my brain, because I need to see them clearer.  我想，是因為我往內(?)走，所以我感知到「外」的明顯。 情感，是記憶的內涵。 記憶，是情感的形式。 或語言或顏色或圖案或符號...聲響音調味道其餘來自身體感官的資訊。 情感，分散堆疊在記憶的土層，由重力下壓。 記憶的「龐大化」，並且重複迴響，泛著錯視。 時間是...

I remember, I was kissed by him, and him too. before they went to work. while I was almost awake, half sleeping.   just like the drawing I saw. I wish I could see that, me being kissed like this by him and him. maybe another him before. I was blessed with such moments. and with tremendous amount of other ones. But I noticed that, I could not bear to continue. because... of the tiresome inside of me. which was a natural status. I can't help choosing the truth, instead of ideas of making up. into a long term deal. to preserve it like processed food, in order to taste later in life. I cherish them, the men I was in love with. the days of those times. and myself being affected and influenced by them respectively. I noticed my changes being with these different significant others. I noticed how they've changed because of me. and I went back to myself again. I really like how they were before we blended together... can't we stay who we are while being together? I heard my own wo...

sometimes in some arrangements of food ingredients and spices, I felt the bitterness of some sense of memories, like I was suddenly in different spaces for some seconds. bitter and memorable, I could also see the faded color inside my mind. or any kind of unexpected senses. sometimes it's in a grayish or cold blue tone, sometimes in dimmed yet bright dusk light. like instagram filters, but more real. spread through my body. sometimes it's pure wonder, for maybe several minutes of human time. sometimes less than one sec of it. these happenings saved as memories in my brain too. as well as dreams I saw in my head that I could ever remember. I guess the content of 'memory' also tells me what 'I' was made of. Because of it, I have to consider who I am. Who others are or were. A lot of times there's no necessity to listen, especially to those who purposely speak to you. words don't work. they are 'an act', like the existence of physicality. if 'th...

  我在與黎明相接的深夜裡醒來。   (I was awake in the darkness continuum with the dawn.) 等待晨光再現。   (Awaited for the daybreak.) I will win this life, not for striving in it,     but for the inevitable cause of the actions produced from it.    (我將得到此生，並非奮力爭取，而是從此生命所產出的一連串不可避免的行動而取得。) 我感受到需要重新適應這副身體，它的筋骨因一夜過去而僵硬著。    (I feel the need to accommodate with this shell. Its muscles and bones are stiff over a night.) 我記憶到它翻騰而疲勞，因此我扭動肌肉試圖解除緊繃，繼續閉眼。    (I recall its fatigue from tossing in bed. I twist and stretch my muscles to release the tension, eyes closed.) 從這裡，到感受天空藍色的光，有一段距離。   (From here to sensing the blueness from the sky, there's still a distance.) 與太陽一同爬昇。   (Rising with the Sun) 讓我知道，我在星球的表面上。   (tells me that I am on the surface of the planet.) 所以知道我擁有著速度，無論如何。   (So I know that I have velocity, no matter what.) 在球體的旋轉木馬上。   (On this sphered merry-go-round.)  沒有移動。  ...