Neediness
another girl next to me, chatting. I ask her, what's it about the first time you have affections with another life owner?
我們微笑，她回想，表情說了些什麼。
there are other couples walking, entering our sight behind a centered wall where the bar-like table we are at extends to.
當我離開數字化的資源計量方式所仰賴的生活時，我總是感覺神智好轉。
我發覺，自己在承受那個系統之時，失去了恰當的自我判斷與選擇內涵。
我的視覺變得混沌不清。
我目睹自身漸漸成為空殼。
我好像...成為另一個「東西」，而它將這個有生命的我，一點一點推移、削鏟。
Neediness
We might born with whole sex, and choose to show only one function of it.
in this world.
without a choice.
people, mistaking their life purposes for looking at the triviality of their own lives.
searching for the other sex to be whole.
not knowing that they just already are.
comfort themselves with any kinds and ways of material symbols, self-soothing about it, telling themselves stories like mythology.
pertaining 'surviving'.
you may call.
self-tossing purposes like dogs throwing frisbees for themselves to catch.
you don't know what to do with the body you get.
you killed it before
burned it before
ate it before
breed it before
worshipped it before
you died with it before.
and over again.
you searched for something with it
looked inside of it
feeling emotions in it
you can not control, you thought.
build up 'memories' with it
research over, up and down
finding things that actually do not belong to you
learning it.
to hold onto a dust in the universe.
maybe other dust later.
Chaotically.
illness.
mental consumption.
psychotic detortion.
family.
living becomes a challenge whenever the sun shines its light again.
you got used to the heaviness on your shoulders. telling the young to be strong.
why don't we
or can we?
stop these self entertainments.
look right at our lives.
its weird combination.
of body and 'soul'.
like any other creatures did already.
those zoos...
trimmed gardens in palaces...
visitors paying to see...
airlines cramping you in a position
for you to complain...
Implausibility.
the attempt to do changes with no recognitions of your truth, would never be actualized.
you are waving your limbs, rolling on earth.
still.
altered insignificantly.
still sleeping with body goes along with the sun, and got the wrong meaning about what I'm talking in this sentence.
I wanna wake up in a place where I can't wait to wake up to.
where we sleep into the sky, and wake up in heaven.
Sumikko
2021/02/15 before noon