角落日常

當你看到牠的眼睛時 會進入一種 腦部的真空狀態 這有點像是 把腦暫時關閉 消音/波 的效果 但是，眼睛會跟著牠那樣 睜大而放鬆 瞬間充電 牠往後微折的耳朵告訴你 牠可能有點警覺著 右爪停在旁邊 但感覺上牠還不確定 那隻爪的存在... 牠可能 不確定自己在哪裡 但是牠腦中的淨空感 有強大的能量 牠不需在乎 不需自覺 有著完美的本能與自然天性 一身毛茸茸的橘 Sumikko 2021/02/24 22:33 Hualien, Taiwan.

  內心的騷，美味的感覺。 在深處，受著張力 壓縮的。 濃重的 陳酒般的 烈味。 沁 讓人吶喊的 疼痛的。 將要撕裂的。 燒傷的。 （快要離題了） 苦的。 昏厥的。 要遺忘的。 反白的 反白了，的。 不知醒睡的。 回味的。 重演的。 錯視的 疑問的。 檢視的。 遺忘的 記得的 述說。 make it deep. I think I have already known that a long time ago. wow... 22:47

this aggravating, exasperating thing. is that, we you using the same system that's been 2 to 3 hundred years old  to en- labor yourselves. industrialization. commercialization. assigning new lives with purposes made from governmental entitlements.  self-imprison-ness with self-amusement of isms like capitalism, consumerism, globalization-ism. put prices on things you see, digitalization. chopping down precious botanic lives that's greater than you in time or in energy value. keep labeling things. keep extracting stuff for research. like you are the owner. wasting time on calculating. I guess it's because you are bored. on this planet. so you tricked yourself to own a lot of symbols, like children play with paper money. (well, I just saw a big chunk of garbage in my head) tell me how have we been changed for these long past bulk of time? vulnerable lives of human being. they are mostly blank at the beginning of their time. before we are allowed to shape them, we re-shape our...

I can't cry for the physical end of a life. I only lament the cease of the affection stuck inside the motions of Memory. That's why forgetfulness is a merit for surviving. a technique  an allowance to go through 'time'. and that time, is built up  with memories. this interlocked perception. is the greatest horror I've ever seen. when I saw the life of a Barbie doll.  as a child, playing, watching commercials. I felt chilled inside. I tried to enjoy lifetime before. for about ten to twelve years. and. there's nothing else other than this  silence  in me all the other sounds are  noises of null. this body, this brain, this compounds of organs, of inertia with feelings seem immovable. wonderments. looks like it might be that we had known things 'before'  that we are searching to know 'now'. while the memories are diminished (By ourselves), and the feelings are kept on going (By ourselves as well). see saw.  up and down back and forth twirling.  ...

we  need waves  of vitality.  it's the same thing like feelings/emotions and the memories/visions. which is, the content and the carrier/form. waves of vitality, stored in forms besides music. Food. is a easily mistaken one. misused, sometimes tragically, or hilariously. oh the religion. we make waves of sound with voices or instruments. direct expression of soul. with great effects. carrying emotions, thoughts, feelings, visions... mass amount of information. do from good to harm, it depends. since food is the source of body's energy, human beings are somehow bonded with the fears of food-less-ness. in genes/memories, you name it. so we tangle energy and food together, actually sometimes take the opposite one. stuffing mass amount of food inside the body due to wrong chases of vitality. we need food carrying useful energy. if not, they are garbage for the poor body to waste time processing. body food is only one part of 'food' we need. absorbed by digest system. the mi...

People after beauty they yearn for great decease. 陽台靜止的小蜜蜂，精巧透明，咖啡色的翅 彎曲的褶，天成的設計，在陽光下，透著琉璃的光澤。 眼閉，永眠般，不受驚擾。 閃耀著，生命美麗的見證。 我將它收進抽屜，和花鳳蝶，放在一起。 一部分的我，總是，這樣，和它們一同沉睡。 這樣奢侈的寧靜。 生命，是承受之物。 暫停，是美麗的逝。 我們作畫，拍照，攝影，為了看見美好的畫面。 記憶，圖片與影像的組件構成，充滿了死亡的意念。 我們在其中，又提取了些什麼，去揉出，類似新生之物。 所能依靠的，只有情感。 Sumikko 2021/02/20 22:03 Hualien, Taiwan.

塑造。 同樣。 人類，穿衣， 只是因為身上沒有禦寒的毛。 絕非羞恥之心。 let me see the sexiness so I can feel alive. they say to the others. of course without a sound. I'm just like any other plants when the sun is shining. basking in the light is what I want only. I pretended to be needy. and when it reminded me, I looked away. life we make for ourselves started from the imagining of human origins. if you remember things, then why would you imagine? if you choose not to remember, then what is it? you are afraid. because, you can't accept the fact or happenings, about who you actually are. so you have to brain wash yourself, and definitely do the same to your descendants. you make it up with these advancements. to fill up the hole inside you. yes, how would you know about life that could be this way. you are a victim sort of thing. paint it up, paint it out. paint whatever you like. you gave them meanings. words. languages. forms. logic. philosophy. so you can hold on to the advance designed by your view. people...

(重寫，可能與高中時的我，毫無關聯的，同題。) when I open up my eyes  當我睜開雙眼 the view I see is right  眼前的畫面感覺很好 I feel the silence of inside  我感受到心裡的沉靜 this needlessness  不索取的 calm, empty  沉著，淨空 Serene.  寧。 Gold  金 it does not  它不做 react.  反應。 Diamond  鑽石 only cuts itself.  只能被自身切割。 Stillness  寂靜 is how myself I know.  是我所知道的自己。 I saw the world spun up at my eyes.  我看到世界在我眼前轉動。 felt the image of the Earth motions  感受著地球旋轉的動態影像。 when as a 'child'.  在孩童時。 I got a touch of that restlessness  我觸碰到那個，躁動 which I can still call out from my memory.  至今，我依然能夠提取這段記憶 when I was in other 'countries', I can't feel much changed, only that people seem different, and what they built differed based on where they are.  當我在其他"地方"時，我感覺不到太大的變化，僅是人們與他們的建造物有所差異。 Suddenly they said, we are one family.  突然間，他們說。我們是同源的。 it's not my concern.  這非我所在意之事。 l know about the reason  我想我知道 of struggling with 'feelings'....

「There are too much love for me to cherish already.」 Just we sometimes can't help looking at the wrong place. 我的心眼，對無限來說，只是如相機般的東西。 只能，一次一次地，擷取下片段，蒐集後，挨著時間，拼湊成可能的影像。 貴方は，愛されている。いつも。 どちらでも，美しくて。 その「可能性」。 I felt these wordless messages, and put them in Japanese. crying and using some tissues. 我注意著，記憶可能的糾纏現象。 隱形為習慣的，情感寫入的，半哄騙的。 抉擇困難的，站在固態般的記憶結塊，而頭部停留在無盡合成的視覺雲層。 我把自己當做試驗品，把記憶刷清塗白，再將它們復原。 挑揀。曾經的熟悉。 我設定自己，能夠選擇是否投入情感。無論情感引發了我的選擇，或是我仰賴使用的直覺。 我重複在心裡的視覺畫面，描繪著，修改著。 耐心地。 緩慢。 相信我，這樣做比較快。 你看得到，但是你同時，知道你被那些混亂擋住視線。問題是，你看到了。 直覺。 我為自己裡頭的它，鼓掌。 永遠的，不摧的，保障。 啊，清澈。 記憶的水潭，濾淨。 明。 那時候，和他一起時。 看到/感覺裡頭一片淨空的白色。 (2018/2019) 泳池，中央，圓柱狀的建築，兩三層樓高的滑水道，歡鬧擁擠的戲水聲。水漲高起來，貼著玻璃壁面拍打。 從建築物高處走出外頭，順著往地面的通梯，細長的沙灘，左右兩側都是海，不同的色澤。畫面被太陽曝光著。 (2017) 我在濾鏡效果光線的畫面裡，濃水彩般極藍的海洋，藍綠色的空氣。我從耀眼的太陽光推測可能的溫度，但我感覺到的更低溫。 走在沙灘，突然間，轉入右側一棟樓房。進入門口，我又往內走入建築物，往前打開後門。雜草和不算是庭院的空間。 往下跳，高差有些大。前方高起的小塊水泥面上有一個箱盒。 我回頭到建築物，走出並回到濾鏡裡的海灘。 去年某一天下午，天色奇幻。 我到陽台，感受那股光線莫名的奇異。 看新聞之後，發現是正值天文現象。 那感覺，真好。在地球上感受到不同於平日的光照。 無法形容的情緒，驚異，又撫慰著心。 啊，那首歌。It takes time to love. 愛需要時間。 情感，需...

(2020) 一個穿著OL白襯衫黑窄裙的東洋女性進入並泡在水綠色的油鍋裡，這裡是一個熟悉的東方華人餐廳空間，旁人用餐著若無其事，並且還有人鄰近她坐在另一張桌椅位置。 她發出驚悚的慘叫，但是身體並沒有被燒焦。我震驚害怕著。 然後視線往後移，我看到電視的外框。 (大二) 一個人型的皮肉生物，這個像是屍體的人類，突然間在極靠近我眼前的視線，內部組織血肉急速增生，體積滿脹，就要撐爆外皮，而它可能還有意識，讓我無法想像這樣的感受，以及為何發生這樣的狀態。它抖動地血肉模糊著，全身、臉部、頭顱撐張著人皮快速內爆，一層一層的肉團與慘白的皮膚。 (大一 ) 光線灰暗的房間，許多家具。門旁有面鏡子。 我跟一些人在裡頭走動，談著什麼。我想走出房門。 猛然看自己的雙手，小手臂的一半位置，出現了一道痕，黑紅色的血縫。 我感受不到所見畫面身體相應的痛覺，突然間我意識到雙手變成了人偶可拆解組合的手，卻如橡皮手套的感覺，顯然，手臂裡頭的依然是骨... 我來不及發出驚恐的疑問。 (高中/大學) 陰暗清冷的廠，檯面上方懸吊著密集的大型掛勾，微弱的光線從裝著細直鐵條的窗透進。 吊著什麼。我突然在外頭透過鐵條看到裡頭，弟弟膨脹的頭顱晃在鉤子上，連著像剩下外皮的下身，臉上開著大嘴，生死未知，我用力尖叫著。 手上一個包裝的物品，裡頭白色半透明的條狀物。是否蠕動著，當我注意到時。包裝上寫著「人文」兩漢字。 Sumikko 2021/02/17 14:27 Neediness Vibration VIOLENCE

  往前走，記憶形成。回頭看，檢視它。       Go forth. Memories form. Look back and check them. 意識由此產生。分離。    Consciousness shows. Then it parts away. 蛻。    Exuviation. 太陽，星球旋轉繞行。   Planet orbits around the Sol 似乎無限重複地。   close to eternal repetitions. 我們一次又一次，累積著習慣。   We build up patterns and natures 附著了情感。   again and again, gluing with fixation. 如果，星球不曾移動，不旋不繞，空氣靜止，而時間存在，太陽的光線永恆照射，上頭是否會有附著物? If the Earth does not move, nor whirl, and the air is still, but Time exists.  The Sun beams its lights as always. Does the Earth develop attachments on the surface? 生命。來自土壤的。美好。    Life, the alacrity from the soil. 一次又一次。重複著，旋轉而揚起的塵。    Again and again the dust being roused up by the turn. 發散著，消退著。有如海浪，記憶的沫。    Spreading, and withdrawing. Like the ocean waves, the foam of memory. 我們的視覺，與意識的感知錯置著，因此，構築著心裡的畫面。    Our sights, they are arbitrary to the consciousness and senses.    ...

香腸攤，緩慢走來表情已死的父母，突如其來對我放聲哭嚎的小女孩。她的臉像剛遭到颶風侵襲的廢墟，凶暴地不滿著，發出可怕的低吼...嘖... 我被此幕煩擾著，她還沒能停止。我對站在面前一副對此事不關己又不耐煩地，看著牆上少得可憐的menu的母親，極度不悅地說，「很吵...!!!」 母親轉頭，被震耳欲聾的哭喊淹沒般，對她身旁精神脫離肉體的丈夫說：「誒，她說很吵啦。」 11:20 Sumikko

My walk sounds different. since a few days ago. or within a week, I  can't recall. it was, sounded like them, the parents. now, it's totally new.  when he lived with me in that badly designed apartment, I heard his walks in that place where I grew up. it soothed me thoroughly and soothes me still now. it cleans away almost all the dirt clustered and stuck in my mind. like covering up with airs from a brand new place. lighted.  calmly. with vigor. oh... I think I wanted him really bad, yet there's something else... this me... I must choose. I'm... crawling damn hard to her. cause... there was too much distractions this world gave me and ripped me into pieces. being 'born' into the related ones this body couldn't choose. in 'time', the tunnel we call. crawling, tumbling. to find her back. the sound, of my walks, has changed recently. and I think I find her. I'm here. feels like a hell long messy dream. the 'before'. that I stared for too lo...

another girl next to me, chatting. I ask her, what's it about the first time you have affections with another life owner? 我們微笑，她回想，表情說了些什麼。 there are other couples walking, entering our sight behind a centered wall where the bar-like table we are at extends to. 當我離開數字化的資源計量方式所仰賴的生活時，我總是感覺神智好轉。 我發覺，自己在承受那個系統之時，失去了恰當的自我判斷與選擇內涵。 我的視覺變得混沌不清。 我目睹自身漸漸成為空殼。 我好像...成為另一個「東西」，而它將這個有生命的我，一點一點推移、削鏟。 Neediness We might born with whole sex, and choose to show only one function of it. in this world. without a choice. people, mistaking their life purposes for looking at the triviality of their own lives. searching for the other sex to be whole. not knowing that they just already are. comfort themselves with any kinds and ways of material symbols, self-soothing about it, telling themselves stories like mythology. pertaining 'surviving'. you may call. self-tossing purposes like dogs throwing frisbees for themselves to catch. you don't know what to do with the body you get. you killed it ...