Fest
a cousin said this with impatience repeatedly to me when I was 4 or 5.
someone tore off my will for living, and said 'caringly' to me:
"I hope that you can be like sunshine, so I choose this English name for you, 'Sunny'."
I won't judge that anymore.
I am
careful
with this body
I learn
I observe
I memorize
I understand
I trust it
Sometimes
confused
irritated
A lot of times
I hope I'm not bounded by it.
It feels like I don't belong here in it
like, the moment I wake up.
The eating.
to turn it
into a joyful deed
praising nature's abundance
for 'us'
it's because
we
need to do so
otherwise
it would be
truth of
brutality
that's why
people
praise their kids
for eating meals up.
that's why...
in this world
on this planet
we are deluding
ourselves
over and over
again and again
So easy
to fill up
my belly
I haven't even
actually
done a thing
(what is a 'thing'?)
I feed myself
with them
carried with nutrients
I might need
to keep this body
alive
to think like this
to wonder
to speak
inside my brain
to be able
to laugh
when needed to
laugh off those ridicules
laugh away
the painful truth
hide-and-seeks with ourselves
And food.
when we
tame an animal
prepare them feeds
it's the same
like we are in this world
being prepared
with the food we need
The back of
celebration
is
sorrow
this body
needs
colorful and wonderous
vegetables, grains and animals
needs
heartful handling for the food
needs
balanced formulas of
flavoring and
seasoning
sometimes
creativity and alternation
vitality and diversity
sometimes
nostalgia
vintage-ness
Why do I see
Hell
in a deep sense of déjà-vu
when 'we' were
cannibals?
that the body we have right now
passed down from
Hell to 'us'
Fest to them
perhaps?
This body
decides what it needs
my soul is silenced
in this domain
sometimes
she cries
in this trap
and comforted
by me
Sumikko
2021/03/05 20:36 Taiwan, Hualien.